-The Motherland Embraces the Model
-No, I didn't doctor them...
-Cape-Townians Break Dancing in my Living Room
-3 Countries, Turning 21, 1 Cheetah and her cubs
-South Africa's Alcatraz
-Razor wire Greetings, Corruption Count and a Beach to Die For.
-SO YOU WANNA BE A BAD CRIMINAL…(Here are a few tips)
-HOW TO BE AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT
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The Motherland Embraces the Model
Expatriates, Sun-Worshippers, and Lady Bug Lovers~
AFRICA IS AWESOME!!! Absolutely, totally, freaking AWESOME!!! There is a life
and vitality to this place, a richness in wildlife and landscape, a history both
painful and magnificent, a beauty in both the people and the land that will
change me in ways I cannot begin to comprehend having only been in Cape Town for
10 days now.
Let’s start with the logistics. I’m living in an apartment about a 45 minute
walk from UCT’s campus…which is a campus, even though I hate to say it, more
gorgeous than Duke. (Who knew that was even possible?!?). My roommate, Ally a
junior from Boston College, is extremely cool; she dances and likes sports.
Plus, she is a social butterfly, so she always knows what is going on, so I am
set for the semester.
My classes should be good, even though at the moment I am still trying to change
them around. I want to take Zoology 300 aka 4 day All-Expenses-Paid Safari 300!
I know I’ll be taking two history classes: Liberations in South Africa and
Environmental History and Physics. Physics should be manageable, my professor
at least is funny. So class should be cool, and I’ll be done before noon every
day except Tuesday, which leaves tons of time for surfing and exploring Table
Mountain.
The second day I was here, we went to Clifton Beach, which should actually be
called the “Mecca of Gorgeous People” Beach. EVERYONE and their mother looked
ridiculously hot. And it was a topless beach, so for the boys it was a real
thrill…. Apparently Cape Town is famous for its good looking people…wahoo buddy!
My kids are totally being raised here so they can meet gorgeous people and make
more gorgeous kids, haha. Not only were the people gorgeous, the beach was
magnificent too. I spent most of my day just taking pictures. The problem with
this city is that you could literally take pictures of everything. The beauty
is just astounding and my camera doesn’t begin to do it justice.
The following day, we go downtown to Longstreet which is basically the main
strip in downtown for young people to shop, chill and dance. Chris is then
approached by some lady, who asks him if he would be interested in modeling.
She videotapes him saying his name and age and gets his number, can you get any
cooler?!? What a hot commodity I’ve acquired, in a land of gorgeous people, two
people have approached him about modeling. Uber hotness!
That isn’t to say that everything in Africa is gravy. I visited townships one
afternoon, where shanty towns go on for miles. It is poverty on a level I could
never have pictured, a problem unlike any the US has ever faced. 40% of people
are unemployed (the rate is as high or higher than 75% in the black townships)
and 25% of the population have AIDS. Obviously, there are major problems here
that won’t be solved overnight. But I want to do my part: I’ve joined Habitat
for Humanity and am looking for a good AIDS Education and Awareness Organization
to join. Even though AIDS is a HUGE problem here, there is still a huge stigma
attached to the disease. Added with a fear of being tested, along with a lack of
funding for treatment, prevention, and education, plus a president who has just
recently acknowledged that AIDS even existed and you have the recipe for a
disaster.
Speaking of AIDS… Two days ago, I went to an AIDS march in downtown, where
3,000 people had gathered to walk through the streets, demanding that the
government treat 200,000 people in 2005. Quite a lofty goal I must admit. But
it was impressive to be chanting alongside blacks, whites and colored people,
“amdla, awae to” (aka “power to the people”), and listening to the many
languages (South Africa has 11 official languages) and songs be spoken and sung
in the streets and watching people toy toy (a ridiculously cool dance that is
like crib walking but a million times cooler and not actually that much like it,
it just involves a similar rhythm which I currently lack). ~Google the “toy toy
dance” and watch a snippet, it was a hugely impressive thing during
anti-apartheid demonstrations in the 1970s and 80s.
Then I went surfing. I actually managed to wobbly stand up twice, it was
amazing. A rush like none I’ve experienced before. It was sooo much fun in
fact, Chris and I plan on buying a used board and start surfing at least every
Friday afternoon from here on out. It is amazingly fun exercise and just a
blast to do, catching waves. Plus, it is true, surf people are gorgeous people.
Which means I’ll be spending a lot of time surfing with a ton of hot guys:
totally tubular.
Oh yea, and I’ve been to the edge of the world. Or the southwestern most point
of Africa at least: Cape Point and the Cape of Good Hope. Cool ice.
And the infamous….dah, dah, dah, dah….Animal count!!! (clap, clap, clap,
applause): ostriches, gazelles, fur seal, wildebeest, dassies (google them,
they are the elephants closest living relative but they look like radiant
enhanced guinea pigs) and penguins.
To sum up: AFRICA IS AWESOME!!! [If I got a nickel for every time i've said
"awesome" since i got here...i'd be right up there with mr. gates himself, weee.]
Like the dork I am, I forgot everyone’s addresses back on my desk at home. So
email me your address and I will send you postcards b/c everyone loves the pc,
what what.
My address, so ya’ll can write me oodles of interesting things and send me b-day
gifts (May 30th and don’t you forget it) is:
9 Bedford Rd.
Observatory, Cape Town 7529
South Africa
best wishes,
amy
ps. la mia famiglia di italia, scrivero presto!
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No, I didn't Doctor Them....
Sharks, Jets and the West Side Story wannabes:
Howzit! (As they say in South Africa, and to all the southerners back home, Howdy!)
I have been swamped with work lately, so I apologize about the long email
silence. (yea, work, thought that was a joke, seeing africa is like a job). But
actually, I've had a big physics tests and papers to write still, so I don't
even have much to say now...
Except, I've sent a bunch of pictures, to give your eyes a bit of the pleasure
that mine have been privy to...
I haven't doctored any of the pictures I've attached. All the sunset ones are
views from on top of my apartment roof. Yea, there is nothing like an African
sunset...
Everyone~ come visit!!! Write!!! Stay in touch!!!
Best wishes,
Amy
ps- will write more soon, once work dies down in a week
pss- african animals sightings: zebra, wildebeast
psss- i love you fam, vg gals, and dukesters!
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Cape Townians Break Dancing in My Living Room
And other tales from 9 Bedford…
Sleuths, Private-Eyes, Detectives and Sherlock Holmes wannabes~
[First, I suppose I could fill you in on my 10 day vacation from way back, so
I’ll do a speed recap and then move on: think jumping off 25 foot high
suspended bridges into shark-infested waters, surfing in the mecca of Super
Tubes, Jeffrey’s Bay, and kayaking through peaceful rivers to waterfalls where
you can watch baboons swing gracefully through the trees.]
Since it has been such a long time since I have written, I want to just provide
a mini-story from each month I have been here. And then promise to do a better
job writing on a more consistent basis so I don’t have to overload you with
stories in one email.
February: Malaria kills over 2 million children each year. I wanted to prevent
myself from becoming a statistic, so I took one malaria pill (the marvelous
Mefloquine HCl) with food, just like the directions indicated. I read the
potential side-effects: anxiety, depression, fever, joint swelling, blindness,
chest pains, tremors, fainting, vomiting, jerkings of face or trunk, and
suicidal tendencies just to name a few. Hmmm, perhaps it would be better to
just get malaria? Or at least that was what I was thinking all day at school, as
I felt slightly anxious, but chopped it up to paranoia.
Then I fell asleep.
I woke up at three in morning and thought a very large insect was crawling
across my stomach. I was kinda freaked out, I got out of bed, had a cup of milk,
collected myself and then tried to go back to sleep. Then I felt another insect
crawl across my legs. And then another on my neck. Totally freaked out and
figuring I was enjoying the company of a large insect who had decided to take up
residence in my pajamas, I decided to get out of those pajamas ASAP, shower, and
then put something else on. The shower worked well, I was crying uncontrollably
but otherwise ok.
Then I turned the water off, put a towel on and went back inside to collect
myself. I felt it again, a bug crawling across my stomach and then another one
on my back. I still hadn’t put clothes on at that point, just a towel and I
could see that there was no large insect actually there. I was having
hallucinations and they just kept getting worse. I kept feeling bugs crawling
all over me, my face was swollen, I couldn’t stop crying…So Chris and I just
stayed up playing cards for hours…until the bugs began to fade and my face
started to look normal.
Malaria I laugh at thee. No more medicine for me!
March: Greeted with the first powerful late-night thunderstorm since we
arrived, complete with penny-sized hail, brilliant lightning, booming thunder,
howling wind…and fort building?!? Yep, Ally, Chris and I went a little off the
deep end and built a fort in the living room of 9 Bedford, with the music of
winter’s first thunderstorm playing on our windows… It was no ordinary fort; we
included two couches, four folding chairs, two love seats, one luggage rack, one
mattress, twelve cushions, many sheets, four quilts, a wooden statue of an
electric guitar playing frog and a giant spoon. And then we sat in our
fantastic feat of construction and watched Humphrey Bogart movies until well
past midnight. Hooray for finding your inner-child and building it!
April (this past weekend in fact): Saturday night and there was a party at our
friends house three blocks down from where I live, with very, very, very nice
looking boys expected to be in attendance. In fact, Ally, my flatmate, and I
have bonded over our love of Capoeira and just as importantly, the ridiculously
good looking guys who play Capoeira. Actually, it seems like everyone in Cape
Town is just really good looking, I don’t understand it but my eyes appreciate
it. Nevertheless, I digress. So we go to this party…by 2 am the neighbors are
complaining and the landlord says everyone must leave immediately. Then…genius
happens…Ally and I are struck with a moment of divine inspiration and decide to
move the party to our house---> 9 Bedford Represent!
People were freestyling
(aka rapping without planning out the words for those a little slow on the
lingo) in the kitchen and break dancing in our living room. It was awesome, way
better than any ‘party’ at Duke. HOT BOYS and BREAK DANCING and FREESTYLING for
goodness sakes!
I hope life is swell for everyone, wherever you find yourselves. Life is way
sweet here.
Cough, in a month or so my b-day is gonna roll around…you can make amends for
the lack of communication so far and send me a card, wahoo!
No excuses, here is my address again:
9 Bedford St.
Observatory, Cape Town
South Africa 7529
Keep in touch! Come visit if you can!
Toodles,
Amy
PS- Although this country has yet to be properly introduced to the joy that is
southern biscuits and sweet tea, they are holding their own when it comes to
carbs. They have a twice-baked biscuit snack which is just a whole new joy, the
rusk! This delightful little hard biscuit is keeping 9 Bedford satisfied when
it comes to the carb obsession that seems to plague our household constantly.
Weeee for an anti-Atkins life!
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3 Countries, Turning 21, 1 Cheetah and her cubs...
Jumpers, Leapers and Dreamers~
Two days ago I returned from a whirlwind 10 day vacation to Durban, Swaziland,
Kruger National Park and Mozambique. Eamon, Ally, Chris and I skipped the last
day of class and flew to Durban (for those not up-to-date on their South
African geography, Durban is on the east coast, Swaziland is a country inside
SA and Mozambique is the country northeast of SA) in the afternoon. We
proceeded to rent a car, with great expectations towards our journey to come.
We were not disappointed.
Durban: Our First Stop
Durban is supposed to be THE party city of South Africa, famous throughout
sub-Saharan Africa for its lackadaisical work attitude but hardcore party
one, so we were quite excited about spending a Thursday evening in downtown
Durban. Instead, we discovered a ghost town. It was eerie the lack of people
wandering around the city at 10 pm. For a bit, it seemed as if a war had
broken out and we were the four lost American folk who had not been informed.
We did get out of our Toyota Tazz and walk around a bit, Chris bought a
gigantic fork, and then, we saw it….
Fun World. A deserted amusement park in the middle of downtown overlooking
the ocean. Random and creepy, at least there were a few people- mainly
teenagers working there and their unsettling goth counterparts smoking in
random corners of the park. We rode the swings- the most intense, death-defying
swings I’ve ever been on and decided the park was actually way too much like a
horror movie to hang around there anymore. We high-tailed it out of there,
toodles Funworld, and prepared for the real fun to begin….a walk on the beach
in the morning and then on to Swaziland!
Moral of Durban: You make your own party.
Swaziland: Smiling Children who love their King!
Swaziland is a small Kingdom completely inside South Africa (there is some
trivia for you to impress your friends with) which has a King and Queen.
Swaziland was also a kingdom that smelled like potatoes. The entire
country smelled like potatoes!!! It was very strange. I dunno if their was some
kind of potato-festival going on and to get everyone in the spirit they (the
generic ‘they’ who always gives you stats and does studies, completely
unidentifiable) pumped the smell of potatoes through gigantic factory smell-
producing vats, letting the wind carry the scent everywhere or if the four of
us in the car were all just craving potatoes for the 2 days we were there,
nevertheless, now that I start writing, I could really go for some French fries
or a twice-baked potato…
Anyways, Swaziland was a rather surreal but beautiful country. Everyone
you see walking along the road seems happy. Children smile, adults wave,
everyone loves the King; the entire kingdom just puts off a very friendly
vibe. We bought some famous Swazi candles, got lost twice, slept in a hut in a
game reserve, almost died twice (once by border patrol and once by accidentally
driving into a taxi refueling station), oooh and saw two other white people
total. Ultimately we decided Swaziland was a cool country (even if her cities
are ridiculously crowded on Saturdays).
Moral of Swaziland: If a kingdom smells like potatoes, you will crave potatoes
while in that kingdom.
Kruger National Park: Think- The Lion King!
Kruger is South Africa’s largest national park and one of the 10 largest
national parks in the world. In fact, the park is about the same size as the
state of Delaware. The day before my birthday, we spent an entire day driving
ourselves around a small section of the park. Think THE LION KING but in real
life. It was awesome. So awesome in fact, it made me realize I’d truly love to
be the next Jane Goodall (but study big cats rather than gorillas).
We broke almost every rule in the park: we sped along the roads, hung out
the windows, fed the birds, permited vervet monkeys to steal our lunch, climbed
boabob trees and generally acted like almost 21 year olds. It was a stunningly
sunny day and we were blessed by the early birthday-gift gods and got to see a
ton of animals. Zebras, wildebeests, giraffes, elephants, hippos, crocodiles,
African fish eagle, impala, Yellow-billed Hornbill (think Zazu from The Lion
King), Goliath Heron, a Puff adder (the snake that kills the most people each
year in all of Africa, Chris almost stepped on one), Marabou stork, you get the
idea…
My best 21st b-day gift came before we were even five minutes in the
park. We got to see a cheetah (which is my favorite animal in the entire
world) and her cubs right after she’d killed an impala. A sighting so rare, it
only happens about once every two years according to park rangers. It was
absolutely amazing. She was so thin and so well camouflaged that even though
she was less than 15 feet away, she was hard to see. In fact, it was almost
like looking at a ghost, she had no outline; you just looked for movement, for
spots. Hooray for seeing a cheetah in the wild, there are only 200 in the
entire park.
So then on the actual day of the big 21, I went on a night safari (not your
typical 21 celebration at all). Sadly, we didn’t see a lion, leapord, or
hyena, but we did get a giraffe, some impala (but they are a dime a dozen you
actually get tired of seeing them), a genet, some bushbabies and a mongoose.
After that, we contemplated stealing a hippo-crossing sign (but realized it was
so big it wouldn’t fit in our car), ate cake and went to bed. Even though I
didn’t see Simba or his relatives, at least a lion didn’t eat me. A
successful, albeit alchol-free b-day indeed, hooray!
Moral of Kruger National Park: Animals are Nifty.
Ok, since this is getting quite long, I will send the Mozambiquan portion in
another email tomorrow. I hope things are well for everyone at home. I will be
back on US soil in less than four weeks (and in the meantime still have 4
exams, a trip to Victoria Falls, and so much more of Cape Town to soak up).
Strange but if my family (and Meredith and Jingyi b/c they remembered my b-day)
wasn’t in the states, I wouldn’t be ready to return at all.
Keep in touch (and speak now or forever hold your peace about your ‘what I want
from africa’ gift list)!
As the hyenas say to Mufasa~ “toodles,”
Amy
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South Africa's Alcatraz
Comrades, Shipmates and Draft Dodgers~
In true “Amy in Africa” fashion, I skipped classes last Monday in order to go
Robben Island. It was an experience I’ll never forget (and I am sure the
stuff that was talked about in class is something I will never use).
Robben Island is the Alcatraz of South Africa! Only picture Sean Connery and
Nicholas Cage’s The Rock juxtaposed with Disneyland, and that is what Robben
Island actually looks like. Sitting in the bay from Cape Town’s waterfront,
over the past four hundred years the island has been used as a leper colony,
an asylum for the mentally insane, a POW camp, a military base, a slave
holding station, and a political prison. The remnants of the prison remain, as
a portion of the island is just slabs of grey cement and watchtowers
surrounded completely by barbed wire. Yet on the other side of the island, is
a little bit of paradise that looks back towards Table Mountain and Cape
Town. If any of you have actually heard of Robben Island, it is probably
because that is where Nelson Mandela spent most of his 27 years in prison.
I actually walked past his cell: 2 by 2.5 meters, one small window, a mat, two
blankets and three book shelves, damp, grey. It was quite eerie. You could
feel a sense of loss and perseverance at the same time. And it was so cold,
the entire prison was cold.
We were given a tour by a former political prisoner, who was in for seven
years during the 1960s, when prison conditions where at their worst. He told
us of his experience and it seemed like something you read, far removed from,
in a book. But here was a live, older black man, telling us that they used to
bury prisoners up to their necks in sand during the middle of summer and then
pee on their faces when they would beg for water.
The scars of this country can still be felt inside those chilled, damp walls.
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Enough heavy dreariness…On another note, classes are ending next week! Then
we have a study week and four weeks of exams (it is just like UCT’s
Bureaucracy to drag out what should be a one week event into four weeks).
Nevertheless, I am excited about classes ending… “why?”- you ask….
Because the day classes end, I am taking a 10 day trip (wahoo!) to Durban,
Swaziland, Kruger National Park and Mozambique (now that will be an email!).
[so if anyone wants anything from Africa, they’d better write now or forever
hold their peace]. This trip means I’ll be celebrating my 21st b-day most
likely in either Swaziland or Kruger National Park, whoopee! (cough, May 30th,
cough).
I hope all is well with folks back home. It is strange but I know that
although I have plenty of time left here, I will not be ready to go home,
except to see my family. I truly love it here. But I do miss being able to
talk to my mom and dad, brother and sister whenever I want. Yea, and it will
be nice to have a speedy internet available 24-7 too….
Keep in touch! Enjoy peaches and watermelon and the fruits of summer, weeee!!!
toodles,
amy
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Razor-wire Greetings, Corruption Count and a Beach to Die For...
Fairies, Gremlins and Mere Mortals~
So who is up for a trip to a formerly communist, third world nation whose civil
war ended only about twenty years ago? Yours truly and company were totally
game, of course…Mozambique give us your best shot!!! I don’t really know what I
was expecting but my experiences blew any ideas I had way out of the water.
After a border crossing in typical African fashion (what should have taken
twenty minutes took more two hours), we were greeted by a fence of razor wire
over 12 feet high and six feet wide that stretched as far as the eye could see.
It was so intense but at the time, it didn’t faze us at all. Cool, they don’t
want anyone entering or leaving without approval, that’s fine by me.
Our excitement only escalated, we had visas in our passports and we were ready
to see Mozambique! Less than half an hour into the country, we get pulled over
by a traffic cop. She spoke really broken English and asked Ally for her
license, registration and a triangle. What in the foo?!? A TRIANGLE, surely to
goodness she must be confused and mean something else. Nope, in fact, you are
kinda supposed to have a shiny triangle which you can put out in the road in
case your car breaks down in order to warn oncoming traffic. Obviously, we
didn’t have such a contraption, so the rather large lady says she is going to
write us a 500,000 metacais ticket [whoa- before you have a heart attack, that
is only about twenty-five US dollars]. Then she pulls Ally aside and asks her
how much she is willing to pay her. AS IN BRIBERY, FOLKS! I then walk over to
them, Ally explains to me in speedy English what is going and we tell her we’ll
just take the ticket. We weren’t gonna pay the flippin thing anyway. Then she
tries to act all buddy-buddy with us and says she won’t give us a ticket, as if
she is doing us a favor.
So how many sketchy cops can four Americans run into in a 3 day period?
Apparently five. We were pulled over four more times while in Mozambique. Two
of which were uneventful. But the other two…
One started when Eamon tried to go around a pothole the size of our car.
Two cops then approached him and asked him why he was driving on the wrong side
of the road (hmmm…maybe it was the crater-sized pothole, ever think of that
buddy?). Their English wasn’t good either, so before we knew it, Chris and
Eamon were being taken to the police office: picture a sketchy abandoned
building fifty feet off the road. And then there was an interrogation for ten
or fifteen minutes and eventual a forced apology.
And then, the final cop. Her English consisted of, “You male, you pay
government!” She kept Chris’s license and car registration until we payed her
650,000 metacais (she was demanding a million though) which she ‘would give to
the government.’ Oh corruption, I never thought you could be so prevalent.
Avoiding the police was one thing, avoiding the potholes was another. I felt
like we were playing frogger the entire time we were in the car. Everyone had
warned us that the roads were bad and apparently ten years ago they had been
much worse. Think potholes the size of our car, that during the rainy season,
people would drown in. Fortunately, the really, really big ones had been
repaired. Nonetheless, we still were constantly dodging potholes three feet
wide and two feet deep during our 9 hour drive from Maputo to Tofo (pronounced
like the hippie food Tofu, not like a word that would rhyme with Dorothy’s dog
in the Wizard of Oz).
Maputo, the capital city, still looked like a civil war was in progress. You
would turn down streets where the roads were entirely in shambles, you couldn’t
even drive to one part of the peninsula because the roads were so bad. Instead,
you had to take a ferry. We saw bullet holes in many of the buildings and it
looked like nothing new had been built in the city since the 1970s. But the
view of the city skyline from our own ‘island’ was breathtaking. Playing
capoeria as the sunset, eating amazing seafood, discovering a new drink for
Duke, gazing up at the stars…amazingly spectacular Life was totally sweet.
Tofo was paradise. As simple as that, it was a little snippet of paradise. An
untouched, pristine beach full of local fisherman, casual folks, hammocks lie
in with the sound of the ocean luring you to sleep, it was simply incredible.
[Chris traded his phone and some of his clothes for gifts for people; Ally,
Eamon and I bought a lot of cheap things too.] I wish we could have stayed
there longer than two days…
Nevertheless, we made the most of our time there. I got to SWIM WITH
WHALESHARKS!!! Rockin!!! Whalesharks are the largest shark in the world. Before
you have another heart attack though, be relieved, they do eat words that start
with a p- plankton (not people). It was awesome, I had no idea how truly
gigantic the largest shark in the world really was until I was close enough to
touch one of them. Reading that they are thirty feet long in a book but then
seeing it in person…well it was the second best part of my vacation (only after
the cheetah sighting). It was fabulous. We spent two hours out in the ocean
swimming with three different sharks. It was like Sea World, just on an
entirely new level of cool. I could have spent days snorkeling and scuba diving
off the coast. The beach and the sharks made the entire Mozambiquen experience
worthwhile, without a doubt.
So much more to say, but this email grows long. Once this Friday roles around,
I have only two weeks left here. Very scary. I will miss Africa.
Emails are always appreciated- life updates are spectacular!
Best wishes,
Amy
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SO YOU WANNA BE A BAD CRIMINAL (Here are a few tips):
Team Africa~
This semester has been quite an experience when it comes to thievery.
Actually, I’ve never had people be so outright swindlely anywhere else.
Perhaps that is partly due to the fact that I’ve never seen poverty at such an
extreme level anywhere else either. Nonetheless, here are a few tips I’ve
picked up that will be immensely helpful if your life goal has always been to
become a sub par African crook:
1. THE LAUGHER- Ally, Chris and I were walking up to Main Road (aka El Sketch-
o Ave) to grab a Kombie (the ghetto taxis in this city) in order to go see a
movie downtown. We notice a dude pass us going the other direction on the
opposite sidewalk. Suddenly he crosses over and starts walking about five feet
behind us, laughing. It was more than a laugh though, it was a creepy cackle,
kinda like the laughing Hyena- Ed, in the Lion King, but way creepier…basically
take that basic laugh and then stick it in a horror movie. We just ignore him
and walk faster. Meanwhile, Chris notices he has a small knife. After a few
minutes, with him still laughing like a nut, we reach Main Road. He then
stands right beside us, still cackling, looking crazy. Chris grabs a wine
bottle out of the garbage and his laughter quickly stops and turns into a
strange stare. Then we get into a Kombie (they pack more heat in the city than
the police force) and speed away. As if because he walked behind us and laughed
we were just going to turn around and give him everything we had on us, yea
right. It seems we had the last laugh- hahaha!
2. THE FACE SOAPER- The third week here, my brand new face soap was stolen (by
someone grabbing it through our unlocked front window), along with a lot of
other things (like my passport, digital camera, shampoo, etc). A month ago, I
finally resolve to purchase new face soap at the pharmacy down the street. Boy
is there a surprise waiting for me. I find my face soap, MY ORIGINAL FACE SOAP,
in the store- it had the same black mark on the side, it wasn’t quite full,
there were no other Neutrogena products in the store, it didn’t have a price-
marker on the shelf. It just had a sticker on the back- 56 rands! 56 FLIPPING
RANDS- that is LIKE 8 AMERICAN DOLLARS. That is twice what is cost in the
states! Who knew the stolen face soap industry could be so lucrative?
Perhaps even your local pharmacy back home deals with stolen face soap goods-
check it out!
3. THE HAND HOLDER- Once again, Chris, Eamon and I were walking down Main Rd.,
going home from class at 2 in the afternoon. A guy, who looks homeless, says
hello to us. Eamon and I ignore him (after the sketchy Italian men, I have no
patience with guys whatsoever). After the homeless guy extended his hand, ever
kind Chris decides to give him a moment of his time and shake his hand and chat
a moment. Yea, once he gets Chris’s hand, he won’t let go. The Homeless guy
then says a lot of things (which would just be bleeped out here, so use your
imagination) and with his other hand in his pocket says he has a gun…Um,
actually, you just have your hand in your pocket. Chris just stares at him and
says he doesn’t understand (even though they both speak mighty fine English).
I notice that the guy won’t let go of Chris’s hand, which I think is strange,
even though I couldn’t hear what he was saying. So I just walk back a few
paces and tell Chris we have to go- he pulls a wrestling move to get his hand
free and we take off- down Main Rd. You could even try this technique at home,
just go for the handshake and make it awkwardly long and then assume a death
grip, an old lady might just hand over her purse, weee!
4. THE JUMP IN FRONT OF YOU TECHNIQUE- Poor Chris (of all people to mess with
Chris really isn’t the guy you want to cross). Once more, Chris is walking down
Main Rd., this time alone. Suddenly, another random dude just jumps in front of
him saying, “I need money. Quick, give me all your money.” Noticing he doesn’t
have a weapon, Chris steps around him and keeps walking down the street. The
end.
5. THE HAT RETURNER- This tale actually happened to a 6 foot 8 inch tall friend
of ours- Arthur. He was walking to the grocery store one day when suddenly two
guys came up to him and demanded that he give them all his money and cell
phone. Arthur starts yelling for help while the guys try to unzip his bookbag.
But because Arthur was so tall, they couldn’t get it unzipped. Meanwhile,
everyone in front of the grocery store looks at Arthur like he is crazy and
nobody actually comes to his aid. Suddenly though, a strong gust of wind blows
Arthur’s hat off. The muggers actually stop trying to jump up and unzip his
bookbag and run after his hat. Then (here is the best part)- they return the
hat to Arthur and go on their way. Um, what? Unzipping the bookbag didn’t work,
returning a hat obviously isn’t going to. Ah well, at least they were polite
bad muggers.
6. THE MANY PIN ENCOUNTERS- About 1 out of every 6 times we go to an ATM,
people will try to “help” us use the machine. (As if Americans need help using
ATMS, come on…we probably invented them and even if we didn’t, let’s get real,
America has most definitely entered the 21st century, we have speedy internet
in our homes!). They’ll try to take your card out of your hand, or tell you to
put it in the machine and then tell them your pin, so they can type it in for
you. “Let me help you, you didn’t do it right, I am just looking out for you”
Yada, yada, yada, what poo. So you just have to walk away, wait awhile, or look
for another ATM. Help me with my pin, I’ll help rearrange your face!
7. THE PIPE STEALER- Someone climbed over a 10 foot fence and two feet of
barbed wire to steal 50 rand (about 7 US dollars) worth of copper water pipes
while Ally and I were home. We saw him, a fifty year old colored guy (how many
fifty year olds do you know who can climb over a 10 foot wall with 2 feet of
barbed wire at the top?!?), and Ally even talked to him, and he just went on
stealing our pipes. Fearing the worst (and not realizing at the time he was
stealing our pipes) we just make sure all the doors are locked and figure he
can’t get in the house, so we are safe. Only 15 minutes after he leaves, when I
go to make a cup of tea, do we realize what happened. But really, if he can
scale things like that, he needs to aim a little higher than water pipes.
Actually, he is really just wasting his talents.
Don’t think, though, that I haven’t enjoyed my time here. I have. In fact, it
has flown by and I get ally mopey when I start to acknowledge that I only have
two days here. Just wanted to send everyone a bit of humorous crime to perk up
the middle of their week (and make everyone keep things in perspective).
Toodles,
Amy
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HOW TO BE AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT
~and other lessons learned on my 5 day road trip to Namibia~
1. School is overrated. Taking off on a Wednesday afternoon for a road trip to
Namibia with Ally (my apartment-mate), Bonsai and Botany Aficionado Rothburger
Chris, Flaming I-Hate-The-US-Even-Though-I’m-an-American Grad Student Chris, and
Stacy (Chris’s hook-up buddy) is not. In fact, cool teachers encourage such
trips. All my teachers at UCT are cool.
[This past weekend I took a road trip~ destination = Namibia, arriving back in
CT at 4 am Monday morning.]
2. When you get rid of light pollution, it is really dark outside. Darkness
totally rocks because that means there are a lot more stars, constellations, and
close-by galaxies to see. After a night of camping under starlight in the
Cederberg Mountains, I can now pick out Orion upside down, the Southern Cross,
Andromeda~ our closest neighboring galaxy, and the Milky Way.
3. It is possible to feel like you are flying and sinking virtually
simultaneously. Just spend 45 minutes hiking up a Kalahari sand dune in 105
degree weather and then run down the steep side as fast as you can. You’ll
sink-fly and it is totally tubular. Or “kwaii” to use a South African term for
“awesome.”
4. Cave art is also kwaii. Especially 10,000 year old Bushmen cave art that
can only be seen after you drive through hours upon hours of desert.
5. Driving 2 hours in the wrong direction late at night on a gravel road is not
kwaii. Especially when you have to turn around and drive another two hours only
to discover that your only options for sleeping are: a.) along the roadside
where you could be eaten by a leopard. Or b.) in the parking lot of the
Seisesvlei Lodge, a ridiculously expensive hotel in the middle of nowhere.
Which option did we choose? Well, I am writing you this email, so it obviously
didn’t involve the leopard.
6. The fastest distance between two objects is not always a straight line, or
at least not when that involves scaling a volcano rather than following the
footpath. Moreover, I should trust Bonsai-Burger Chris’s mountain instinct and
knowledge. If he isn’t so sure he could climb up the side of a volcano in
hiking boots, there is no reason to think I could climb over boulders and rock
climb 20 feet with no previous experience under my belt and only flip-flops on
my feet. ¾ of the way up the volcano, I will find out my own physical
limitations, which then launches “Operation Save Amy Off the Side of a
Volcano”~by the same boy who said initially it was a bad idea~ once the big
boulders turn to little boulders, little unstable buggery boulders that move.
This Operation will take several hours and result in a few cuts and scrapes.
~It is not always better to take the road less traveled. Footpaths are your friend.
7. White Afrikaners can suck… Can you say apartheid? Yea, they really screwd
that up but they also managed to BONK coffee!!!… We stayed in a B-n-B at the
first town we came to in Namibia (there aren’t very many towns to come by) after
just crossing the border (and by just crossing I mean about 150 kilometers past
the border). The next morning, they served us instant coffee with lots of cheap
alcohol for an added kick. It was horrifically horrible; one sip was all I
could handle. And then they had the nerve to charge us fifty rands for the
coffee and toast. Boy, there are reasons Afrikaners aren’t famous for their
coffee or their hospitality. Go figure.
8. I like the following animals because they let me see them: vervent
monkeys, baboons, honey badger, black bat jackal, springboks, masked weavers,
klipspringers, kori bustard, bontebok, ostriches on farms, their cousins, the
wild ostriches of the Kalahari, and zebras. * Unfortunately, I did not see a
Giraffe.
~Seeing Giraffes make a trip feel complete…
9. The fifth largest waterfall in the world in Augrabies National Park, during
drought season, isn’t all that impressive. Actually, seeing a Giraffe would
have been way cooler. Darn tootin’ Giraffes, grrr...
10. I am an illegal immigrant. You can be one too. When you come to a border,
try lying down in the backseat. If that doesn’t work, go to the bathroom until
the rest of your party has been given the go-ahead and then just get into the
car with them and look innocent. These simple actions worked like a charm 3
consecutive times for me.
~I hope all is well with ya’ll, wherever you find yourselves while reading my
lengthy email. Life is good here. Too good; I like the idea of expatriate
status. Keep in touch, this can be done by email or postal mail, both are
appreciated.
Until then,
Amy
*Don’t know some or all of these impressive African animals? Educate yourself:
google them and learn something today on your fast acting internet.
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